John Oliver Sends Off Kissinger to Hell and Santos to Bravo

John Oliver got to lord over the demise of not one but two infamous political figures on this week’s episode of Last Week Tonight, after the death of Henry Kissinger at 100 and the expulsion of freshman Rep. George Santos (D-N.Y.) from Congress.

Of Kissinger, former United States secretary of state and national security advisor during the presidencies of Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford, Oliver quipped that “Henry Kissinger died at the ripe old age of not soon enough,” adding: “If you live in America, you might view him as a controversial figure. But if you live in Chile, Argentina, Vietnam, Cambodia, East Timor, Bangladesh, or anywhere else on Earth, you know that’s maybe the most obscene understatement of all time.”

Turning his attention to Santos, Oliver wondered why it took Congress so long to kick him out.

“Apparently it takes three tries to get rid of him—a sort of reverse-Beetlejuice situation, if you will,” he offered.

Oliver took glee in the House Ethics Committee’s investigative report on the now-former Long Island congressman, however, which alleged Santos had misappropriated campaign donations to buy himself Botox treatments, go on trips and subscribe to accounts on OnlyFans.

“But I have to say, if you’re going to do something you’re not supposed to do, that is the way to fucking to do it! Looking good. Going out. And getting off on gig economy porn? How am I supposed to be mad? He spent campaign funds vibing out on diva shit,” Oliver said.

Even though Santos denied the charges, the ethics investigation also discovered Santos had commissioned 141 pages of opposition research against himself, titled “The George Santos Vulnerability Report,” with a candid photo of himself on the cover.

“Even the cover was damning,” Oliver said. “It’s a photo that says ‘Opening for Sebastian Maniscalco,’ or ‘I faked my own death for the insurance money: A TED Talk.’”

Oliver reminded us of just a few of the salacious headlines Santos encouraged over the past year, from implying his niece had been kidnapped from a Queens playground, claiming his mom died because of 9/11, and holding a mystery baby while roaming through Congress.

“The truth is: This man never belonged in Congress. He belongs on Bravo,” Oliver said, adding: “Santos clearly didn’t deliver for his constituents, but he delivered hard for the rest of us. And I don’t want him to be in my government. And I don’t want to sit next to him on an airplane. But I definitely want him in Andy Cohen’s menagerie of damaged human beings. Call this man now, Cohen! And pay him what he is worth.”

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